Obi Wan Kenobi Goes to the Bank

Luke Skywalker drives into Mos Eisley with Ben Kenobi and the two droids his uncle has bought fom the Jawas. They encounter imperial storm troopers looking for the escaped droids.

“These are not the droids you want” Kenobi suggests to the lieutenant trooper.

“These are not the droids we want” the trooper repeats.

“Move along” Kenobi suggests

“Move along” the trooper repeats, and the speeder inches away as Kenobi says something about suggestions to simple minds.

The episode from Star Wars is played out daily in banks encountering durable powers of attorney and other estate planning documents. More often than not I am called in to redraft something to make the bank happy, or sometimes I go myself because I apparently really am a Jedi Knight, I have mind control over the young man at the cheap desk in the lobby.

“These are legal documents” I say, and the young man repeats.

“The attorney in fact needs access to her fathers money so she can pay the mortgage this bank holds on his house.”

“I can see your client needs the money to pay us what we are owed” he says.

“Why don’t you take a moment and make the withdrawl” I suggest.

“Let me take a moment and make the withdrawl” he says as he leaves us sitting at the cheap desk.

Now all I need is a catchy theme song.

Dog Trusts

We are so wealthy we leave our money to our pets when we die. Washington is one of 46 states and the District of Columbia at last count that expressly allow people to erect trusts for animals. This is not just for dogs or cats, the statute allows a person to leave a trust for the benefit of any non-human animal as long as it has a vertebrae.

So dont try to sneak in a worm trusts, do you hear?

The Settlor doesn’t even have to have any particular animals in mind when the trust is drafted. I was briefly associated with one trust where the old fella had a large tract of land near the mountains during his life and left the whole thing to the woodland creatures that lived there, so they would have a refuge for as long as the trust could last, which according to our Rule Against Perpetuities is 150 years.

But the Rule of Ugly Facts intervened to shorten it’s life dramatically. The Woodland Creature Trust immediately ran into trouble as it didnt have a person or society lined up to take care of it, pay the taxes and insurance or otherwise protect the trust. Several nature societies were approached but there were no takers. It looked like the Trust would fail, and the land be sold off.

Of course if this were a Disney film the woodland creatures would all speak English, and a badger like individual who is also a licensed member of the bar would file an action entitled Bambi et. al. vs. Woodland Creature Trust in our Superior Court. The nadir moment of the film would feature the human vertebrae on the bench ruling against the non-human vertebrae and sending the human vertebrae tax collector out to auction off the woodland for back taxes.

Disney’s formula film always has a villain with a pencil thin mustache ( c.f. Jaffar in Aladdin or John Clayton in Tarzan ) and the tax collector would look like either. Of course the cute Disney non-human vertebrae would somehow prevail and we would all leave the theater humming the theme song.

But this scenario belongs in Never Never Land. My last experience with the case at bar was to be fired by the decedants sisters because I had to tell them the only way for this woodland trust to work was to sell some of it to a developer to finance the thing. But that is not what our brother wanted….

Why is it people expect they can have at death what they cannot have during life?

Collect Child Support From the Dead

Like the 2nd Amendment slogan, we can only take child support from some men when we pry it from their cold dead hands. Prior to that we sometimes we pry it from hands that are bound together.

It is not uncommon to be in the hallways of the courthouse and notice the men on the chain gang. Sometimes these are ordinary felons. More often they are men who have been arrested for non-support. I often break into song:

That’s the sound of the men, working on the chain, ga-a-ang – all day long they are working….. under the table….

They get someone from somewhere to pay something and they get out of jail, and the process starts all over again.

But what if they die? Support in our state vests as a judgment each month it is not paid and survives death. The statute of limitations for collection of child support judgments only begins to run when the youngest child of the abandoned family turns 18. Then it runs for 10 years. If still not paid, a motion can be filed to extend it another 10 years, until the youngest child is 38 years old. The interest rate is 12%.

I have noticed men begin to drop dead in their 50′s, particularly if they are living the hard life underground or off the grid. (Lawyers begin to drop dead about that time too, but that is another topic). So it is conceivable we will have child support claims in probate.

Normally these will be advanced by the ex-wives of the dead men, but what if the mother dies? What if the children inherit the claim from thier mother? Hey kids, lets sue Dad for our impoverished childhood!

Kind of reminds me of Disney’s Lion King, Elton John singing about the “Circle of Life”. The whole prospect gives me a sort of warm feeling.

How Not to Pick a Lawyer

A browse through the yellow page advertising for lawyers is always an adventure. The larger the advertisement the greater the cost to the lawyer to support the advertisement. The impact on the ultimate fees charged is usually evident, without any real enhancement to competence in my experience.

One guy’s yellow page advertisement added the tag line “Serving you locally, and nation wide” which is impossible as he would have to be licensed in 50 states. He was later disbarred, can you imagine?

If you are going to rely on the yellow pages, I recommend you cut out the pictures of the people who seem to have the best advertisement, arrange them in a circle then place a bottle in the middle of the circle.

Then spin the bottle.

Wastin’ Away In Litigationville

“We got divorced and the lawyers got all the money.”  “Dad died and the lawyers got everything”.

How many times have you heard that? Why is that?

People do stuff that is based on assumption, folk law, movie law, hearsay, and maybe a little bit of knowledge that is a dangerous thing.  Act first, then see the lawyer.

And so it is they find themselves here, in the office, for more than a visit.

There are certain phrases I have learned to read as a sure sign there is going to be a problem that lasts months. My favorite:

This will just take a minute.

No it wont. And it isn’t the lawyers fault. It’s just the way law is; complex, and not well represented in easily accessible media, the pulpit or on bar stools where most people go first for legal advice.

Personally I turn to the music of Jimmy Buffett for respite from the stress of having to tell people the truth about where they are, breaking into song on the way home:

Wastin away in Litigationville

Looking for my lost statute of laws

Some people say that there’s a lawyer to blame

But I know

It could be my fault

Courtroom Attire – The Wife Beater

The Court Commissioners hearing family law matters in my county have a name for the shirt men sometimes wear to court. It is called “The Wife Beater”.

This was a shirt with sleeves at one point, but those have been rather carelessly torn off exposing the upper arms of the man. Normally these arms bear tattoos, not that there is anything wrong with that, apparently.

Also normally seen on the domestic violence calendar are T-shirts bearing various messages about the wearer and how he is to be understood. “Eat My Dirt” with an image of a monster truck is a common message the respondent gives to the bench. Not the brightest.

Women are by no means necessarily presenting well either. Often the statement made by what is worn is “I am a prostitute” or “I am cheap, difficult, and manipulative”.

Large signs are posted outside of family court: “No Chewing Gum, No Food, No Drinks, No Firearms or Weapons, No Cellphones.” Translation: This is not the movies, the 2nd Amendment is suspended in Court, and we consider a cell phone ring as offensive as the clothes you are wearing.

40 Days to Apply for Executor is Almost Biblical

Noah and the flood, 40 days.

Moses goes up the mountain into a cloud, 40 days.

Jesus in the desert, 40 days.

Modern Lent, 40 days.

Some mention of this 40 days in Lord of the Rings to, which I am told some consider Holy Writ.

And 40 days is the amount of time a spouse can allow to lapse and thereafter leave open the possibility someone else will apply to be personal representative, or executor of the estate of a lost husband or wife.

It is written.

The Rule in Shelley’s Case

Mary Shelley has nothing to do with this but it is something of a Frankenstein’s monster, because it’s the kind of law that keeps the owner of land from doing with his farm or house or beach property what he thought he did.

First recorded as a doctrine in the case of Wolfe vs Shelley in Elizabethan England (1581)  the rule transmutes the grant of a life estate to a person, remainder to his lawful heirs to fee simple absolute in the holder of the life estate. In other words he holds the whole of the title, and not just for his life.

Say a farmer grants his son a life estate in the farm, remainder to his heirs, meaning his grandchildren. The Rule in Shelley’s Case makes this grant a grant to the son without restrictions as to what he can do with the land. If he sells off the farm to Wal-Mart there isnt anything the farmer or the grandchildren can do about it.

It was the rule in Washington until 1961 when judges began it’s erosion in cases of interpretation of wills. By 1995 the whole thing was over, the legislature abolishing the rule for all transfers whether the farmer is alive or dead.

Apparently the orginal idea was to favor the passing of land by inheritance, rather than gift. Judging by the amount of asphalt covering prime bottom land in the Puget Sound basin I think we need to return to the Rule and Shelleys case, and its closely regarded cousin, the Doctrine of Worthier Title.

It certainly would make the practice of law more fun to have all these ancient terms to throw around in court and less parking lots here in our lovely state. Instead the Middle Ages finally ended in the second decade of my law practice and we are instead trapped in some dismal economic model that allows all property to go to the highest bidder.

If Elvis Had Facebook

If Elvis had Facebook you could friend him. The rest of his friends would receive a notification that you are now Elvis’s friend. You could scroll through his timeline which not all believe ended August 16th 1977. There is some evidence that Facebook has made it such that not everyone’s life ends when the death certificate is issued.

A disturbing trend has emerged where the rest of dead speak to us through Facebook, reminding us of their birthdays. Other social media, LinkedIn for example has advised me my dead client has a new acquaintance. Perhaps they are linked on the other side of the Great Divide. Perhaps on the other side Elvis still curls his lip in a sort of smile when he hears applause, and then says “Thank ya, Thank ya very mush”.

I will inquire of Mr. Zuckerberg what this all means.

Dear Mr. Zuckerberg,

According to our coroner, my client died last year. Yet he still keeps popping up on your service popularly known as “Facebook” referencing new connections and a birthday. Is there something metaphysical about this phenomena? Are you now conducting séance or is there some new dimension to life?

Please advise at your earliest opportunity. Thank ya, thank ya very mush.

Regards,

Mark T. Patterson II Attorney at Law