The Existentialist Parent Names Her Child

child with tatoosI have decided the spate of new and inventive names which process through my practice must be the desire to ensure ones child is a unique individual, not part of the faceless masses living an existentialist challenge, otherwise lost in an vast and uncaring world, but taking solace in the reality his mother gave him a name that no one will forget, and at the same time cannot spell but phonetically.

I see divorces, custody cases and wills where I have to speak with a straight face about children named “Breeze”, “Shady” or the worst: “Swastika”.

Then I have to spell the names too, which are also cast forever in the new and inventive spelling the parents come up with shortly after the birth. Jane becomes “Jeayne”, Richard becomes “Reshard”, and Sally becomes “Saily”.

Whatever happened to names that evoked love and caring like those of my grandparents generation: Clara, Martha, and Lenore or strength and morality like Stephan, Ralph or James?

Some names seem to be drawn from the Presidents; Madison, Jefferson, and one client whose last named happened to be Lincoln, well, you know.

Media plays a huge role. After Star Wars was released in 1977 all kinds of “Leah’s” and “Luke’s” were named. No “Darth’s” I am aware of, nor “Chewbacca”, but a few “Hans” have crossed my desk, but then that is a strong European name in any case. Besides, I think Harrison Ford played a man with the shortened version “Han”. His mother was an existentialist too.

Then there is gender shifting. My grandfathers first name was Leslie, which was popular in 1905 for men, yet when when my cousin was born in the 1960’s she was given that name as it was popular for girls. “Taylor” is a name I see often and have to ask the client, “girl or boy?”

Finally no one uses a last name anymore. “Hi, I am Jim” is the introduction, rather than “Hi, I am James Smith, it is a pleasure to meet you”. Formal greetings are apparently as out of style as anything traditional.

Fortunately the law allows for the existentialist child to change his name in a District Court action after turning 18. This is so common I believe there are forms available at the courts themselves. Perhaps Swastika will change his name to something less political, like Adolf.

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The Sands of Iwo Jima Timeshare

Sands of Iwo JimaClients come in with timeshare presented as two different legal problems:
1) Contract, as in how do I get out of this and
2) Estate planning, what happens to this when I die.

The first is usually answered by you sell it for a lot less than you paid for it.

The second depends on whether you only have a license to spend your vacation in some remote location the United States took by force, or you actually own some of that sand in fee simple absolute. More common is the license variety represented by “points”.

Shortly after I began composing this piece an estate planning client came in with the points variety. She actually uses the points. Much like any other amphibious invasion she spends considerable time planning and plotting more than a year in advance in order to maximize her usage, and not get stuck with the leftovers of places our country has seized but no one really wants, like a vacation on Iwo Jima.

Representing Veterans: They Have Seen More Than Anyone Should

Lawyers Road Review

I have had the pleasure of representing Veterans, most often in the estate planning context. Sometimes I think my courtroom tales curl the toes, but the truth is the conflict we address day in and day out is without bloodshed. The tales these men tell evidence more at stake  and a privilege to hear.B-24

An older fellow was brought in with a scar running vertically across his forehead. During WWII he had been ground crew in England for the bombing campaign in Europe but volunteered to fly as the pay was 50% higher, $225 a month instead of $150. He was assigned to a B-24 as a tail gunner as he was small of stature.consolidated-b-24-liberator-bomber-hit-by-flak-02

The story is a German flak shell exploded near his plane blowing out the windows of his gunnery seat and causing the gash in his forehead. “I liked Europe”, he said, “but I went at the wrong time.

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Little Sheets of Paper

Tonight my Dad is in the rehabilitation center following knee surgery. From what I gather this is a little like giving birth; it is awful for mother and child but both are really happy a few weeks later.

Upon admission, transferring from the hospital and full of pain medications, a vast array of paper was placed in front of him requesting his signature. Some was about insurance, some about care, and some could end his life.

These little sheets of paper included a health care directive to physicians that gave the facility permission to end his life had he checked a box that said so. Four days after surgery and still in considerable pain, I question his competence to make a reasoned decision. The directive is green in color; green for “go”.

Because my mother was there she stopped the process until I could arrive. Upon my arrival the nurse explained again to my parents, and me, the purpose behind the health care directive was “so the doctor would not have to read through all the legalese of a more complex document” . That is literally what she said during her remarkably practiced speech for all incoming patients.

In other words the Doctor has no time to understand the intent of the patient about whether he lives or dies as expressed when contemplating these issues in a competent, sober manner while consulting with his lawyer who then drafted the same based on the law and his experience.

Just check the box on the little sheet of paper sir, it is better for all of us. That’s right, the green one. Green for “go”.

Licensed Legal Technician: Not Quite A Lawyer

Our state seems to be a testbed for the rest of the country for everything; gay marriage, legalized marajiuana and now legal advice with a stamp of approval that really ought to have a lot of warning labels.

What appears to be an effort to manage the free market of legal advice, not all of which is licensed, the Supreme Court of Washington has developed a rule to annoint persons who have not gone to law school with the approval to discharge limited legal tasks. This can be of great help to persons who cannot afford or do not need a full service firm. Or it can be a disaster because there are tripwires in the legal landscape no one but a lawyer with some experienc is going to know about.

The standards are tough however, so who knows- this might work out. The Bar has yet to accept any applications as they are still working out the operational details but first thing applicant must show is “good moral character”. I think that means you have no felonies as a start, but in my time on the Character and Fitness Board it meant generally a disregard for the Rule of Law.

Next there needs to be some education, either an associates degree in law or postgraduate work in legal studies.

Finally, and most appropriately, one has to work for a lawyer for at least two or three years so the applicant has some idea how this all really fits together.

Then the applicant sits for an exam, not quite the Bar Exam. Perhaps we should call it Bar Exam Lite.

This all sounds vigorous, and yet I cannot help but be worried about unintended consequences, like people relying on legal techs when they really need a legal engineer called a lawyer.