Primogeniture

It is extraordinary how many people come into my office believing the oldest son somehow has some inherent right to govern the estate of the parents.

Being a lawyer, I start looking for authority for this rule. I start with Exodus 13-

The Lord said to Moses, “Set apart for me the first boy born in every family. The oldest son of every Israelite mother belongs to me. Every male animal that is born first to its mother also belongs to me.”moses

And thus Primogeniture was born, as well as animal law.

Note the ancient practice of Primogeniture called for the first born male to actually inherit, not just govern his parents estate. This lead to the ancient practice of fratricide as well.

Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.”
And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him.

—Genesis 4:1-8
cain and abel
It has never been clear to me his motive, Abel was not the oldest. Cain was going to inherit anyway. Perhaps Cain got bad legal advise from the internet.

Here is something to keep the modern mind away from such sin; slayers do not inherit. See Revised Code of Washington.

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Family Law Tip: Do Not Bring the Subject Matter to Court

This may sound fairly obvious but if you are litigating over children, the judge does not need to see them. They have a pretty good idea of what children look like, some of them are even parents. They will not be swayed by who is holding the subject matter.

babes in arms

I am just back from the family law motions calendar and found as many babes in arms as there were lawyers and litigants.

One boy was a bit older, and was waiting out in the hall with his aunt presumably. He had a toy gun, which he aimed and fired at everyone.
boy with assault touy
We have security, how did he get that thing into the courthouse? security at the courthouse

All Things Being Equal

I saw this bumper sticker in Seattle yesterday.

equality

I am a student of how far that love goes. I mean, should we put weights on the flamenco dancer so I can keep up with her? flamenco guitar and dancer

Or take hiring a lawyer for example. Do you really want him to be an equal? I seriously doubt this, but I have to say, there are multiple occasions where I have been asked to buy into my clients emotional state as the place from which decisions are taken, rather than remaining the objective advocate I think the client wants.

Sometimes I have a guy come in and tell me he “has a great case” and goes on to demonstrate with remarkable detail why we are not equals and the law school education and 30 years of experience really does mean something.

Note I do not say lawyers are better than their clients, but they rarely think like a lawyer and if they could they probably wouldn’t be in my office.

If I could write down how to think like a lawyer I would but here is the best I can do:

What a lawyer has to do is sort out the wheat from the chaff.
wheat thresher
I am not sure that would fit on a bumper sticker, and our task cannot be diluted into a catchy, likable sound byte but here are the facts:

When the client arrives with the plan for what the lawyer, like a chess piece, is to do it is the job of the lawyer to decide what to do, and disregard the directions from the less experienced client, as all things are not equal, unfortunately.

The Existentialist Parent Names Her Child

child with tatoosI have decided the spate of new and inventive names which process through my practice must be the desire to ensure ones child is a unique individual, not part of the faceless masses living an existentialist challenge, otherwise lost in an vast and uncaring world, but taking solace in the reality his mother gave him a name that no one will forget, and at the same time cannot spell but phonetically.

I see divorces, custody cases and wills where I have to speak with a straight face about children named “Breeze”, “Shady” or the worst: “Swastika”.

Then I have to spell the names too, which are also cast forever in the new and inventive spelling the parents come up with shortly after the birth. Jane becomes “Jeayne”, Richard becomes “Reshard”, and Sally becomes “Saily”.

Whatever happened to names that evoked love and caring like those of my grandparents generation: Clara, Martha, and Lenore or strength and morality like Stephan, Ralph or James?

Some names seem to be drawn from the Presidents; Madison, Jefferson, and one client whose last named happened to be Lincoln, well, you know.

Media plays a huge role. After Star Wars was released in 1977 all kinds of “Leah’s” and “Luke’s” were named. No “Darth’s” I am aware of, nor “Chewbacca”, but a few “Hans” have crossed my desk, but then that is a strong European name in any case. Besides, I think Harrison Ford played a man with the shortened version “Han”. His mother was an existentialist too.

Then there is gender shifting. My grandfathers first name was Leslie, which was popular in 1905 for men, yet when when my cousin was born in the 1960’s she was given that name as it was popular for girls. “Taylor” is a name I see often and have to ask the client, “girl or boy?”

Finally no one uses a last name anymore. “Hi, I am Jim” is the introduction, rather than “Hi, I am James Smith, it is a pleasure to meet you”. Formal greetings are apparently as out of style as anything traditional.

Fortunately the law allows for the existentialist child to change his name in a District Court action after turning 18. This is so common I believe there are forms available at the courts themselves. Perhaps Swastika will change his name to something less political, like Adolf.

Night of the Living Trust

What seemed like a good idea at one point often becomes an unwanted “person” that lives on and makes everyone miserable.  Like Zombies, trusts that have outlived their usefulness need to die, but because the residual beneficiaries may not like the idea of a trust being killed off in favor of the person who wrote it to begin with, the Trustor, the resolution of its life moves slowly and infects people with despair. It also infects them with a dislike of lawyers and the entire complex business of dying. Why cant it just be simple? Because it isn’t.

Often the lawyer wrote this thing but they had good reason to; the client came in certain this is what they wanted. Just as often and perhaps more likely they never consulted a lawyer who might have persuaded them that the effort of a living trust is too much. For example usually people forget to put everything they buy into the trust defeating a purpose of avoiding probate.

Most tragically the do it yourself Trustor may forget to make this a revocable trust, meaning the family members obtain a real interest in the property they are residual beneficiaries of when he funds the trust, even before the Trustor dies. This means they all own a piece of the living trust. The remedy is to get everyone to agree to give the property back to the man who made the mistake in the first place.

But lo, there may be a beneficiary out there not willing to let go and hence, we experience the horror of the Zombie Trust.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

Dad Wanted Me To Have That Speedometer

Shortly after a death personal property of the decedant t starts to disappear. This is not pursuant to a will,  or any court order. Instead it is some knob that is turned in the mind of the people who “knew him well” they all say, followed by “he wanted me to have this speedometer” or whatever.

What they really mean is “he doesn’t need this anymore and I want it”.

Most wills in our state have a provision for a list to found with the will at death declaring who is to get what after the author dies. The list has to be dated and signed but not witnessed, which is an exception to the normal wills acts formalities. Even so, no matter how easy the law is to follow most of the time people do not fill out the list and this leads to all kinds of mischief.

Instead things tend to evaporate causing friction among those of us left behind. Some of what is fought over is of little value, take this speedometer for example. I literally spent a day trying to prove the existence of old car parts and tools, as the decedant had left a large tract of land littered with old junked cars and the parts to go in them. This proved fruitless, let alone who entered the property and removed this speedometer to some “classic” auto which was still rusting there on the lot.

It is much harder it seems to remove a car that will not start and is covered in blackberry vines than a speedometer that is supposed to be entombed with the car.

It’s madness really. Stuff that was junk before the man died is now some prize to covet and obtain by any means and at any price. I was paid my fee for the effort. We lost.

Dad Wanted Me to Have This

I have literally fought in court over this speedometer

Wastin’ Away In Litigationville

“We got divorced and the lawyers got all the money.”  “Dad died and the lawyers got everything”.

How many times have you heard that? Why is that?

People do stuff that is based on assumption, folk law, movie law, hearsay, and maybe a little bit of knowledge that is a dangerous thing.  Act first, then see the lawyer.

And so it is they find themselves here, in the office, for more than a visit.

There are certain phrases I have learned to read as a sure sign there is going to be a problem that lasts months. My favorite:

This will just take a minute.

No it wont. And it isn’t the lawyers fault. It’s just the way law is; complex, and not well represented in easily accessible media, the pulpit or on bar stools where most people go first for legal advice.

Personally I turn to the music of Jimmy Buffett for respite from the stress of having to tell people the truth about where they are, breaking into song on the way home:

Wastin away in Litigationville

Looking for my lost statute of laws

Some people say that there’s a lawyer to blame

But I know

It could be my fault